Own Your Choices
Each time we own our choices we tell ourselves we have value.
When I can say “this choice was mine” I am telling myself that I trust myself enough to be honest with myself. That voice in my head that shouts at me that I screwed up and best find someone to blame, quietens. I get to honour and love all of my parts and in doing so I give value to all my parts and when I give value to all my parts my internal worth gets stronger and when my internal worth gets stronger I am no longer reliant on the action of others. I am free.
Can you start with one area of you life and take full responsibility for it? It doesn’t have to be huge.
There is no coffee in the house because your partner used the last of it. Don’t blame your partner but look for how you contributed to it? Did you forget to put it on the shopping list? Did you know you were low but wanted someone else to buy it? Were you setting up your partner so that you could point out their shortcomings?
My teenager is always mad at me. How are you contributing? It takes two to tango. Rather than focus on their behaviour focus on how you are showing up. Are you communicating in a way they need? Did you let them do things that were “cute” when they were young but not cute any more? What baggage are you bringing to the situation? Do you remember how awful it could be when you were a teenager? Are you being consistent? Are you really, really listening?
Pick one thing and look at yourself objectively – this means without shame or blame. Try to imagine you are watching a movie of your situation playing out. A few actors playing the parts. How would you objectively look at their role? Afford yourself the same generosity and treat yourself kindly. This isn’t about beating yourself up, it’s about understanding your part in things. Blame just gets in the way.